Light
by lilylynn
Summary: I need her light. It's selfish really. But when am I not. I need her.


An: I see this as something Cal would do when he's in his thoughts, all alone, perhaps typing away on his computer, trying to write another book, etc. Totally didn't know where I was going with it. It's probably just a jumbled mess, but I like it. :)

I'm trying so hard to get the sick, sad lump out of my throat and stomach from the news of no season 4. I know most can move on and deal, but Fox did a dirty thing in my opinion. I'll eventually get over it. There's always fanfiction.

I do not own ltm/characters. Please let me know what you think! Review! I love you, your support and your words!

.x.x.x.

I need her light. It's selfish really. But when am I not. I need her. I'm always craving the brightness that seems to flow from her body. Selfish bastard that I am but I can't lock it away.

She appears unhappy about something today. I'm the one to blame. I know I am. I do something that hurts her faith in me and we go crash back down to the bottom. But then she smiles and everything shines. She catches me before real damage occurs. There's that brighter end just down the tunnel. She forgives me and I am happy. Deep down, I am guilty, because I need her, when I need to let her go, when she deserves to emit her warmth on someone more worthy; someone who isn't me. The radiance I feel in her presence is a solace of mine that I wish I could merit.

I want her ever loyal light with me, by my side, right in front of me. I don't care where, I just need her. Why I keep doing things that look to be pushing her away, I haven't a clue. I'm a sod; a true selfish bastard. There's got to be something I can do to fix that.

She walks through my office doorway and flick of the switch, an oven's on.

I can feel the heat like the sunlight coming through an open window, basking on my arms, running over my chest. A blaze of sweet flames coursing everywhere and I welcome them secretly, openly. They lick at my skin and I enjoy the sensation.

I take each glimmer, each smile, and each move and keep them; storing away all that she gives, I keep them wrapped inside my mind. She gives so much and I take too much.

What makes me addicted to her? Easy question if I am being honest with myself.

Her light.

Her light brings me out of my dark. She fills me with every enticing feeling. I can't get enough. There's satisfaction but not ultimate, because there's always more to her. More that I can't seem to reach. Must be why I pull random acts, just to get any reaction out of her. Because I know her light can never die out. The light is always present, guiding me, fueling me, encompassing me.

She never fails me. I fail us.

There's the slow burn in the pit of my stomach, spreading, lingering when her eyes meet mine. I read her. I try to read her. She's not reading me, only staring; only smiling. The fire has me squinting blind, like I'm looking at her from many yards away. She's only a few feet from me. The expanse of fire revolving around us thickens and I'm blinded by the intense light, unable to see underneath her expression.

I feel hot as our eyes drill through the air between us. The guilt reappears. Suddenly, I hate myself for the past actions that may have put a crack in our relationship. The hatred turns to dire urgency. I want to grasp onto something to say, something to mend, something to fix my selfish ways.

She smiles though, leaning a thigh against the front of my desk. Her eyes roam my face and I'm shocked to find my mask has fallen. My walls disappeared the moment she stepped foot in my door. I'm almost ashamed of myself for slacking on my own bloody rule. I must have every thought written all over my face. This light of hers is powerful.

She is a better reader than I ever thought. She sees everything. I feel everything. Our tables turned.

The energy, no matter where we are, is electric. She is the source, naturally.

She's looking at me with those eyes and her smile never lessens. Maybe this is good. She blinks slowly, dark eyelashes lying against her glowing skin for a few seconds before opening up, revealing pupils so damn full, steady and soft.

I forget everything. I understand everything. It's all the same now.

She has me completely. What a giving creature she is. I'm thriving on her light, thriving on her.

A flush comes over me, matching hers. Rich with color and full of bloom, our appearances dance in the bright flames. We are still feet from each other; me, sitting at my desk and her resting on it.

Mentally slapping myself, I make a vow. She is so willing. And I take willingly, hungrily. I've got to reciprocate in this give and take, push and pull, lead and follow. Open myself to her. Give her more of what she deserves. Starting with the truth; starting now.

As I stand in one quick fluid motion, making my way around the desk, we never break eye contact. Her smile is beautiful and happy.

Joining in her light, illuminating us mutually to the core, I embrace her. Whispers of warm breath and low voice mingle in the air as she clings to me and I keep my hold on her small, comforting frame. I'm ready to give her all. I by no means want to hurt her faith in me ever again. She's not going to leave. She is willing to stay. She wants to stay, with me.

And I take this unselfishly. I return her trust, her faith restored. Bodies pressed together, I breathe in her air, her breath, her gleam. I take her gratefully, thankful for her light.

.x.x.x.x.


End file.
